Painful Love
by Schizzar
Summary: Navarre has an unhealthy desire for a woman and before it can get out of control, a helpful manakete decides to help him. However, there is much more to this manakete than what meets the eye. OOC. Events may be wrong. Xane x Navarre


**Yes, I am well aware everyone in this is very OOC but that is because the game sucks at giving the characters personalities. But that means I can make whatever crazy pairing I want! Yay! So this is rated T for some language and implied sex. Yay….I don't own Fire Emblem, review and enjoy. Or just enjoy. Whichever. **

Navarre would never sink so low as to stalk someone; sitting outside her tent as the healer, Lena, slowly stripped off her robes, the perfect shape of her body silhouetted by the lamp light, did not make him a stalker.  
"Heya, what'cha doing?"  
"Holy-" Navarre cut himself off so as not to attract attention, glaring at the pink haired boy that was now crouching beside him. "Shut up and go away!" This was said much quieter, hardly a whisper at all.  
"Lena! You've got a cre-" Xane started to shout.  
Navarre clamped a hand over the shapeshifter's mouth and spirited them both into the trees to safety.  
"Why are you still following me? And why did you shout like that?" he asked, trying to stop himself from growing angry.  
"Marth told me to follow you around," Xane said with a shrug, an innocent expression on his face, which he could only see by the torch light coming from the camp.  
"Yeah, on the battle field so you could change into me," Navarre snapped, grabbing the kid's elbow and leading him a ways away from the healer's tent. "Because you can't fight by yourself."  
Xane pouted. "There is a reason for that. I just want to help in any way I can."  
"You're a manakete. You're over one hundred years old. We have stones for you to change forms but you never do. Instead, you're a pain in my ass and a distraction," Navarre growled.  
"I'm just following orders. Now what were you doing by Lena's tent?" Xane asked.  
"Why were you there?" Navarre shot back, realizing the Manakete had never answered his question.  
"I saw you and it looked like you were doing something bad," Xane mumbled, putting more space between them, as if that would help him get away.  
"Like what?" Navarre asked, voice growing chillingly cold.  
"I'm not totally naive to the ways of you humans," Xane said quietly as he moved even further away. "You lust after her. You might take her unwillingly."  
Navarre lashed forward, seizing Xane's arm and jerking him forward. Sensing danger, Xane thought quickly and turned into the only form he thought could stop Navarre's anger. Navarre froze, staring into the soft brown eyes of Lena, fear deep within them.  
"Change back now," Navarre ordered softly.  
"No. You'll hurt me," Xane said, just as quiet.  
"You aren't her. I don't hurt girls but you aren't one. Now change back," Navarre said.  
Xane swallowed and looked into Navarre's eyes. He didn't see anger at all, instead seeing a deep lust, something primal and dangerous. "You could be with her this way."  
Those lust filled eyes were soon filled with shock as Navarre jerked away. "What?"  
"You can be with her this way," Xane said softly, mimicking Lena's voice perfectly. He had no qualms with Navarre using him this way. Sure, he had hated humans at one point but during the battles he had grown attracted to the swordsman. "It will keep you from losing control."  
Navarre glared at her...him. "Just leave. I don't lose control, especially with things like this."  
Xane shrugged, dropping the form. "Okay. The offer still stands though."  
"I thought you hated humans," Navarre said, regaining his wits and gathering his thoughts together.  
"I do, at least some of them. I don't mind you though. I think you know my true thinking, you just don't realize it yet," Xane said as he walked back into the camp.  
After several heartbeats, Navarre followed after him.

(INSERTBREAKHERE)

Navarre moved quickly across the field, locking blades with a mercenary before running him through with his sword. Xane lay panting behind him, a sword hanging loosely in his fingers.  
"Are you okay?" Navarre demanded, keeping a wary eye out for enemies.  
"Fine." Xane looked up at him and Navarre realized he was not fine at all.  
Blood raced down from cut on his brow and more blood seemed to cover his arms and pool out of his stomach.  
"You idiot!" Navarre hissed. "Go see a healer, now!" He jerked Xane to his feet before pushing him towards Lena.  
The manakete stumbled briefly but before he could take a step closer, the pink haired healer was already beside him. Her staff glowed briefly and the blood vanished, wounds closing in a matter of moments.  
"Thank you," Xane said gratefully, flashing her a quick smile. Then, he bounded away, his form changing to Navarre's as he did so. Lena disappeared as well, doubtless off to heal another wounded comrade. Of course she didn't say a word to him; she never did. He sighed, forcing himself to ignore the self pity and indulge in it later.

(INSERTBREAK HERE)

"You look frustrated." Caeda's voice broke through Navarre's self pity party and he turned to look at her, abandoning the food he hadn't been eating in the first place.  
"And?" he asked.  
The blue haired princess tilted her head to the side, staring at him with calculating eyes. "I do care for the welfare of Marth's troops. Your skill will begin to wane if you are angry."  
"Please leave me alone," he said, turning back to his food and staring at it. It still looked unappetizing.  
"If you insist. Whatever. Just make sure your fighting is up to par and we will have no problems."  
"Yes ma'am."  
His tense muscles relaxed as the girl moved away from him, most likely off to socialize with people who would respond. Not long after she had left though, she was replaced with the pink haired devil. Otherwise known as Xane.  
"Go away, Xane," he sighed.  
"I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't like them," Xane replied simply, straddling the log that acted as a chair. He laid down on his back, hands under his head. "I don't trust them."  
"And you trust me?" Navarre asked.  
"I already told you, yes. You've saved my life on a number of occasions. That makes you worthy of my trust."  
"Fantastic," Navarre mumbled. _He'll probably follow me around forever now. Maybe next time, I'll let him die._  
Even as he thought it, Navarre knew he would never let it happen. In all honesty, he would most likely go out of his way to make sure the manakete remained safe and alive. But he wouldn't tell him that. If Xane thought he could depend on him, he would grow weak and unable to fend for himself. Then again, he couldn't fight at all if he didn't shift into the form of someone else.  
"So why didn't you take me up on my offer?" Xane asked, voice quiet.  
"Because you aren't her," Navarre said, giving him a strange look.  
"I could act like her," Xane murmured, sitting up. "I can be very convincing."  
Navarre was frozen as a small hand curled around the back of his neck and Xane dragged himself closer so they were mere inches apart. The pink hair grew longer, the feather disappeared, and the harsh red eyes turned a soft and hypnotic brown. Navarre swallowed thickly as his lust flared unexpectedly, his hands moving to his...her...hips. The soft material of her gown brushed over his calloused fingertips and she moved closer yet, soft petal lips touching his in a chaste kiss. Navarre struggled not to react, reminding himself furiously that it was not Lena, but Xane.  
She moved away before putting her lips to his ear. "I don't know how else to say it, Navarre but I...I think that I want you."  
His self control was crushed then and he picked her up abruptly before carrying her off to his tent.

(INSERTBREAKHERE)

Xane didn't sleep. Navarre had already drifted away into the realm of dreams, two hours ago actually. Xane couldn't drift away though, the dull ache in his back wouldn't let him, nor the chaotic thoughts that whirled through his mind. He had enjoyed it, he wouldn't deny that. But Navarre had had his eyes closed the entire time and it was not his name he had called, but Lena's.  
He shifted and moved closer to Navarre, lightly resting his head on the smooth chest, marred only by old scars, and listened to the steady heartbeat beneath his ear. He was completely unaware Navarre was awake until a hand slid beneath his hair and began to massage his scalp lightly.  
"Sorry for using you," Navarre whispered.  
Xane just closed his eyes and didn't answer.

(INSERTBREAKHERE)

Morning called and with it, another battle. Neither Xane nor Navarre talked to each other when they woke up, both dressing in silence and hurrying to ready themselves for battle. Thanks to Marth's strategic genius, they made it through with only a few casualties and by evening they were set up for camp. The schedule was growing monotonous, at least Xane thought so.  
"I'm bored," Xane sighed, sitting down beside Navarre that night at dinner.  
"And?" he asked, wondering how it pertained to him.  
Xane shrugged. "I don't know. I just mean that all of this is getting boring and is so...the same."  
"You like change?" Navarre asked, not looking at the manakete.  
"Well yeah. I live for a much longer time than you do. I am patient but I've been with these troops so long and I grow wary," Xane admitted, straddling the log and laying on his back.  
"Is living forever truly a burden?"  
"It isn't forever," Xane said, staring up at the night sky and watching the smoke spiral away into the air. "It wasn't a burden before. Now it is though. I have to watch all of my newfound allies die as I slowly age, so much slower that by the time they are near death, I will look to be in my thirties, perhaps forties. Those I love will die."  
"That is the way war works," Navarre said.  
"Yes, but that's not what I mean. Those who survive this and live their lives out...I have to watch them die. I've become too much like a...human," he whispered, unexpected tears burning at the back of his eyes. He didn't let Navarre see them.  
"That's your own fault," Navarre said. "If you just used the firestones or magestones, hell, even Tiki's divinestone. She wouldn't care. You're friends, aren't you?"  
Xane got up abruptly, turning away from Navarre and heading for his tent without a word. Navarre's first impulse was to let him go, but the guilt that had been growing since that morning urged him to follow after the manakete. He found Xane easily, he hadn't gotten far, and seized his arm.  
"Let me go!" Xane's voice was a choked sob and Navarre let his eyes slide shut, cursing himself for how inconsiderate he had been with Xane's emotions.  
"Xane, I'm sorry for whatever I said."  
Xane ripped himself away from Navarre and stumbled into his tent, vision clouded and blurred by tears. Navarre grabbed him again, following his lover instinct and hugging the pink haired manakete.  
"What happened to you?" Navarre whispered. He could sense that it wasn't totally his fault, that it was something to do with his past, and he knew that past wounds could be the most painful.  
"Just let go," Xane ordered, the shaking sobs slowly dying off as he wiped at the tears. "Go away, unless you wish for me to service you again."  
Navarre flinched inwardly. _Yes, I understand I'm a bastard. Can we move on now?_ He thought, releasing Xane nonetheless. "Sorry. I won't use you like that again. It was a fault in my judgment."  
"I apologize if it wasn't good enough for you," Xane said quietly.  
"God dammit, that's not what I meant. By lapse in judgment I meant that I shouldn't use you the way I did," Navarre sighed.  
"So it was good?" Xane asked, eyes lighting up briefly.  
"Yes, yes it was," Navarre said, swallowing thickly and struggling to fight the blush that was threatening to overtake his face.  
"Oh. That's good. I've never done it before," Xane admitted.  
Navarre suddenly hated himself for what he had done, even more than before. "You...you're a virgin!?"  
"Was," Xane said. "Those things don't matter to me much. When I spend so much time in other's bodies, I lose all respect for my own. After all it's just a body; I have no true attachment to it. Besides, my thoughts are the only things that make me, me."  
"I still should've been gentler. You should've told me or I could've hurt you," Navarre said softly.  
"I thought the pain was a part of it," Xane said, feeling more confident now that the tears had stopped.  
"Oh god, no. Maybe a little but not a lot. Did you enjoy it at all?" Navarre asked, feeling desperate.  
"Yes," Xane said, sensing that he was moving into dangerous territory but strangely not caring. "I like you quite a lot, Navarre."  
Navarre stared at him. "What?"  
"That's why I don't mind being used by you," Xane said. "I want you to be happy."  
"Even if you aren't?"  
"My feelings aren't a factor in your happiness. At least, they shouldn't be."  
_But I think they are,_ Navarre thought. "I...Xane, if you aren't happy with our...arrangement, don't feel pressured to continue with it."  
"There is no way this could be happy for me. Love will grow from my fondness towards you. you rejecting these feelings would be the ideal for me. After all, if you eventually return them, I can only watch you grow old and die." Xane smiled softly. "Like I said, my happiness is not a factor. If we stop this, I will be unhappy. If we continue, the result is the same."  
"Why are you crying?" Navarre asked, watching two more tears slip down Xane's face.  
"Other thoughts."  
"The ones that upset you in the first place," Navarre guessed.  
"That is correct, yes."  
"Tell me what I said that upset you."  
Xane sensed Navarre's desire to shift topics away from the one they had been discussing. Men like him were uncomfortable with spoken thoughts about love.  
"Well, I can't change...like other manaketes," he started. "I am damaged. I used to be able too but...my dragonkin spirit fled."  
Navarre wiped Xane's tears, feeling a startling amount of tenderness towards the manakete. "What happened? What made it flee?"  
"Terrible things happen during war. Death, injury, and rape," Xane murmured, leaning into Navarre's touch, wanting comfort. "I was young then."  
"You were raped..." Navarre said breathlessly.  
"Not quite. I was a virgin until I was with you. Other things were done though, enough for my spirit to leave."  
"Xane, I wish I had known."  
"It doesn't matter. I wanted you to take me."  
"You love me." As Navarre said this, he realized that he didn't mind. "Gods, Xane. If you trust me with that you have to-"  
"Love you. I do. But we can pretend you don't know. We can pretend it doesn't matter," Xane whispered, moving close. "Just don't fall in love with me."  
As Xane changed to Lena's form, Navarre wondered if that was possible.

(INSERTBREAKHERE)

"Lena, I need to ask you to do me a favor."  
It was dinner, two weeks from Xane and Navarre's talk and the swordsman had a sinking suspicion that something had changed within him, for better or for worse, he wasn't sure.  
"Navarre? This is unexpected," the healer commented. "What do you need?"  
"Follow me please. It will only be a moment," Navarre said.  
Lena nodded and followed him obediently away from the crowded areas of the camp. The man was agitated, she could see that, but she couldn't pinpoint why, especially since she barely knew him.  
"I would like for you to kiss me," Navarre stated firmly as he came to a halt.  
"Excuse m-me?" Lena asked, flushing.  
"I can't explain, not really. I just want you to do this and then you can continue on as if nothing happened," Navarre told her.  
"I...oh...alright...I guess."  
Lena shifted forwards, biting her lip nervously, before closing her eyes and giving Navarre a quick peck on the lips. Navarre didn't let her back away though, kissing her again, less than chastely though not pressuring her into something she wasn't ready for. When he pulled away, her face was flushed and heated, her gaze flickering everywhere except at his face. Yet strangely, he wasn't attracted as he thought he would be. Her lips were soft but it had awakened no deep hunger within him.  
"Um...may I ask what that was about?" Lena asked softly.  
"I thought I was attracted to you, Lena. But it appears, I am not. I apologize for making things weird for you, let's hope we can look past this and start a healthy friendship," Navarre said calmly, cupping her cheek.  
Lena bit her lip and stepped away. "Yes. That would be fine. If you'll excuse me..."  
The healer dashed away and Navarre leaned against a tree, contemplating. He was no longer attracted to Lena, yet he felt a fierce protectiveness and a fierce _something _come over him whenever he was near Xane. That could only mean he had done exactly as Xane had instructed him not to. He had fallen in love without even knowing it.

(INSERTBREAKHERE)

"I forget how much stronger you are than I am," Navarre commented as he watched Xane fix his shoulder strap, securing a broad axe. Two swords were attached on each of his hips and a lance crossed his back the other way beneath the axe.  
"Well, I have to be ready to change into anybody with any talent," Xane said, grabbing a healing staff and Elfire tomb, slipping each into its place. "Unlike you, who only has to carry around one sword. You are strong, Navarre, but you are human. You do not have the physical abilities to carry all of this and fight."  
"You really know how to bruise a man's ego," Navarre said dryly.  
"Oh I know. Another of my hidden talents," Xane said with a quick smile.  
"Before we head out to battle, there's something I wish to address," Navarre said quietly, gently grabbing Xane's wrist and pulling him back into the tent that they now shared.  
"Hm? What is it?" Xane asked, eyes wide and innocent.  
It amazed Navarre sometimes, how innocent and playful Xane was when in reality, he was one of the most serious and mature adults he had ever met.  
"I have done something you told me not to," Navarre said quietly.  
Xane's expression was torn between excitement and fear then, both clashing together roughly as the smaller pulled away from him. "I...do you mean what I think you do?"  
"Yes...dammit, yes, Xane. I think I love you. I'm almost sure I do. I don't feel attracted to Lena at all. I just want you..." Navarre said, feeling desperation rise within him, something he had not felt in years, not since he was young and hot headed.  
"I can't, Navarre. I told you that. It will only end in pain," Xane murmured, looking down at the ground.  
"Pain is something you and I live with every day Xane. And this pain...this pain you will experience...it will be filled with joyous memories, not only bitterness. I promise you, I will make things happy, I won't stand for sadness in any relationship we form. This...thing...that we have had going on is not a relationship. It is two men denying what they feel for each other and masking it with something else. I don't want that, and I know that despite how you don't want the pain that will inevitably come, you don't want it either. You want an actual relationship, just as badly as I do."  
Xane moved away from him. "This is hardly the time to talk of such things. We have a battle and we need to move out now."  
"I wanted you to know before the battle. In case...we get unlucky today. I wanted you to know," Navarre said, voice soft.  
"I understand. And thank you, Navarre. I will think over your words."

(INSERTBREAKHERE)

Xane sprinted across the ground, weaving underneath the slash of an axe and returning the attempt with a sword in the man's neck. He continued on, making his way towards Navarre. He was dangerously close to reverting back to his normal form and he didn't have the strength to hold it much longer. If he could just get behind Navarre and await a healer's assistance, he could jump right back into the fray though that didn't seem likely as suddenly, a mercenary stepped in front of him.  
Xane reeled back and brought the sword up to protect himself only to feel himself shrink. The change disorientated him and though he could normally at least block an attack if he needed, the abrupt change threw him off. He barely managed to dodge, rolling to the ground before leaping to his feet again, breaking into a fast run. The grunt of the man sounded in his ear and he whirled around to see the man quite suddenly held above the ground by Roshea's spear.  
"Hurry along now, I can't protect you forever," Roshea grunted, heaving the man away before galloping away.  
Xane mentally noted to thank the other man later and darted behind Navarre. The brown haired man was coolly dealing out the deaths to his opponents, barely batting an eye when Xane slid to a halt behind him, so used to the smaller's presence that it actually felt wrong when he wasn't there in the heat of battle.  
"Change quickly, the enemy has received reinforcements," Navarre said calmly. "Now, Xane."  
Xane did as he ordered, closing his eyes and letting the change overcome him. Lena was suddenly beside him, waving her staff and healing him in seconds.  
"There you go Xane. Be careful now!" she called before racing away.  
Navarre glanced at the pink haired man. "Let's go."  
The two plunged into the thick of battle, both unaware of how long the fighting continued. They were healed several times and everything was going fine despite their numerous injuries. None were grave enough to drag them down. Yet despite what Xane had told Navarre earlier that morning, he realized that his body was too weary from so many battles so close together and the weapons were beginning to way him down. His movements grew sluggish and he felt a strange sense of fear seize his being, the feeling that something was amiss within his body, something was about to give out.  
He ducked to dodge a blow and that was when it happened. Something snapped within him, a muscle seemed to give out and pain raced up his leg and through his spine, making a cry escape his lips as he went down. Moments later, his vision blacked out.

(INSERTBREAKHERE)

"Stupid Xaney. Not taking care of himself," Tiki tisked.  
"But he'll be okay?" Navarre hated how his voice sounded so desperate, hated feeling so weak as he stared down at the pale form of the man he had confessed his love to only hours before.  
"Yes. He will. His body just needs to heal and he'll be fine. But he'll be getting a lecture from me when he's ready! Neglecting his body like that. Poor nutrition it seems, and no exercises before battle either. It's not like him to slack like this," Tiki sighed. "Well anyways, you take care of him. It's probably because of you this happened in the first place."  
Navarre swallowed thickly. "You're probably right. Wait what?"  
Tiki smiled, a light twinkle in her eyes. "I know a lot more than I let on, Mr. Swordsman. Well bye now!"  
Navarre shook his head as the small manakete disappeared out of the tent. He sat down beside Xane's still form and gently stroked the soft pink hair, feeling the silky strands between his fingers before laying down beside him. As he draped an arm around the manakete's waist, he tried to shove aside the fear that was still pumping through him since he had first seen him go down, the fighter above him swinging the axe up as he got ready to slice his throat and remove his head from his body. Navarre couldn't remember ever moving so fast when the other had been in danger before. It was new for him, feeling so protective and so weak at the same time.  
Just as he was drifting to sleep, Xane stirred in his arms, groaning softly as a shaking hand moved to rub his forehead. Navarre propped himself up and cupped the manakete's cheek, forcing him to turn his head so he could look at him.  
"You foolish idiot," he murmured, watching Xane's red eyes fight off their bluriness.  
"'M sorry. Guess I wasn't paying attention to how tired my body was," he mumbled. "Sorry for scaring you."  
"I never really minded war before this. Now I wish it would stop. I don't want you to get hurt," Navarre whispered.  
Xane sat up, slowly, wincing as some of his muscles groaned in protest. Navarre did the same, gaze questioning as Xane began to speak.  
"I don't think this is a good idea Navarre. I love you as well but your fear for my safety could've ended up with more death today. I think it is best for us both to ignore our emotions until this war is over," Xane said softly.  
"No. When this war is over, one or both of us may be gone. I've seen too much war to ignore that fact. I don't want to wait until one of us is knocking on death's door. I want you and only you. I don't want Lena, or any female for that matter. I never thought I'd ever go for a guy but here I am, begging you to give me a chance." Navarre sighed. "But if you really can't do this then I-"  
"You are so very hard to resist, Navarre. I am tempted to be yours and yours only, to form a mutual bond and be with you for the rest of your life. But I worry about the pain of losing you."  
"Falling in love with anyone, manakete or no, has the fear of losing them come along with it, Xane. I don't know what else to say to convince you to be with me but I love you. I won't take your body ever again if you do not wish it, your body is not what is important to me. I care more for your soul and your wellbeing than having sex with you, someone else's form or no. So...now it's up to you," Navarre said quietly. "Whatever you want, I will give you, whether it be love or to just leave you alone."  
Xane didn't speak for several tense moments and then finally he nodded, as if making a decision but not yet saying it out loud. "Okay. Okay Navarre. Let's do as you say. I want to be with you too, and I'll take any pain that comes along with it."  
Navarre felt his heart constrict as Xane looked at him then, eyes full of love and the fear, the fear was still there, but the utter love outshined it. He cupped Xane's face and finally brought his lips to the manakete's, tasting him and only him, for the first time. Xane responded eagerly, kissing back and twining his arms around his neck, his smaller hands wrapping into the long brown hair.  
"Xane, thank you," Navarre murmured as he pulled away.  
Xane smiled and settled against Navarre's chest. It was nice, knowing he no longer had to hide behind the masks of other people to find love. It was nice to know that he himself, his body, his mind, and his soul, just him; it was nice to know someone wanted that. They didn't want his powers, they didn't want what he could do. They just wanted him. Navarre was truly the only human he believed he could possibly trust with his heart. Despite the pain he knew he would eventually be faced with, he knew that as long as he remembered the good times, the times he was confident he would create with this man, it would be okay.


End file.
